My Shopping Jones
Just in time for the holidays, more reasons to shop. Sigh.
I’ve got a shopping jones.
No, it’s not so romantic, not like a love jones. It’s more like when Toni Cade Bambara’s character declares that some people “got a hummin jones” in the opening of “My Man Bovanne,” a short story from her 1972 collection titled Gorilla, My Love. A “jones” is more than a little annoyance for folks, it’s more of a fixation or a mindless habit. And that’s shopping for me, whether it’s in person, online, or even through an app. It’s hard to ignore the gravitational pull of that stuff and more stuff. So, all that is to say: my shopping jones is not always exactly welcome, and it’s not something that I can always control.
Over the years I’ve playfully labeled myself as a “recovering shopaholic,” and let me tell you, the struggle is real. I have my moments, though. Like when I’m trying to shop smart, to save money on an important purchase. Those are times when I see positives to this shopaholic vibe. That’s when the obsession, mixed with laser focus, kicks in like a bad cold. It’s unshakeable, and it never quits. I can spend hours upon hours leafing through catalogs and scrolling through merch on websites: a now-dusty leather wristlet (“practically one of a kind, a bargain”), never-worn jogging sneakers (“finally, my ticket to getting back in shape”), COVID-era gadgets (“this plastic cover will protect my lipstick;” uh, what lipstick?).
A sneaky little habit
Another challenge is that I’m not extravagant; I’m pretty thrifty in most cases. So, I can usually keep my spending under the radar with hubby none the wiser. Most of my “problem” purchases run under $100, ranging from about $30-$60—high enough, yes, but just low enough not to raise any red flags in the budget (if there was one). That is, until you add them all up. And weekends seem to be the worst, especially payday weekends. But that’s another story for another time. The only good thing about these spending streaks is that they become a reality check, they create renewed motivation and a burning need to get my spending—and life—in check.
For instance, during a recent and particularly trying financial period, I created a Facebook page called The Money Files. What most readers may not have known at the time was that I created it, as with much of my writing, out of my own need—a very desperate and dire need at the time. It was February 2018, just a few months past Christmas, and my financial picture, my financial world, seemed to be crumbling around me… So I needed an outlet and a positive alternative to the stress of that financial demise. I decided to begin a journey of financial exploration and to bring others along with me. The Money Files page was all about trying and reviewing money-related apps that could help you to better save money and to look at your financial picture. And doing that helped; I guess you could consider it a form of self-therapy at the time. Still, it didn’t quite solve the root of the problem for me, partly because I didn’t recognize it at the time.
Calling it what it is
What I realized later is this: unknowingly, I have been living with a poverty mindset. Ever been there? It sounds so strange to say, to put out there…but that’s exactly it. And it’s bad, of course, but it’s at least manageable when money is tight, and you have to watch every penny. That keeps you somewhat accountable, you don’t have a choice. But when you begin to make a good living, and more money is at stake, that’s when the problem really surfaces… And that’s where I found myself, and still find myself today.
What do I even mean by a “poverty mindset”? To me, that means spending until you can’t spend any more (yes, shopping ’til you drop), not leaving anything aside for a rainy day. When money is tight, and there’s not a lot to begin with, that’s a little more understandable. There’s not much left at the end of the paycheck. But if you keep living that way, as if you don’t need to save or don’t have enough to save, then the problem and the debt load begin to escalate. And that’s never good.
That mindset says “I deserve it” because maybe I missed out on it growing up, or never had enough of it. That mindset says spend as much as you can, as often as you can and as fast as you can, trying to make up for it—or before the money runs out. And let’s be real, there’s always going to be a sale, a special, a can’t-miss bargain…but sometimes you have to pass, to say no. Living the “good life” shouldn’t have you living paycheck to paycheck, lender to lender. I’m talking to myself here.
Hitting recovery mode
So how do we escape that trap, that mindset? We live more like our grandparents or great-grandparents did before credit cards were a thing. We buy what we can afford and save (i.e. wait) for the rest. Yeah, I know; it’s not fun, and you do deserve better. But spending smart is how you get your better and your best. And there are budget-friendly options. Sometimes layaway can work, if it’s available—whatever keeps us from indulging in the now. We can also focus on being more mindful of our spending and our budget’s limitations. We can’t—or at least shouldn’t—spend what we don’t have. That’s why you have to be careful of traps like payday loans, tax return loans and other attempts at keeping us in debt by spending money that we don’t even have in hand yet. Don’t take the bait; it’s not worth it.